Finding Ourselves in the Fog: When We Don’t Know Who We Are

November 5th, 2025

There comes a time when we wake up and realize we don’t really know who we are anymore. It’s like walking through a fog. We can see shapes and shadows of who we used to be, but the details are lost. For many of us who’ve wrestled with substance use, that fog can feel thick enough to drown in. It’s not just the substance we get lost in… it’s ourselves.

When we start using, it can begin as something small. A way to take the edge off. A little “liquid courage” or a “chemical comfort.” But before we know it, we’re pouring more of ourselves out than we’re taking in. The line between what we use and who we are starts to blur. We become a mix we never meant to make: a cocktail of survival, shame, and confusion.

It’s easy to forget that before all the noise, before the cravings, the chaos, the coping… we were someone. We had dreams, quirks, opinions, laughter. But substance use has a way of muting the volume on our true selves. It turns us into ghosts haunting our own lives.

When Identity Feels Like a Puzzle with Missing Pieces

The truth is, not knowing who we are isn’t failure, it’s a starting point. When we say, “I don’t know myself anymore,”what we’re really saying is, “I’m ready to find out.” That’s where recovery becomes more than just staying sober; it becomes about remembering and rebuilding.

We don’t have to have all the pieces yet. Maybe we’ve lost some along the way, or maybe they’ve changed shape. That’s okay. We can still make something beautiful out of what remains a mosaic instead of a perfect picture.

It’s funny how we spend so much time trying to “get clean,” but the truth is, we’re already in the process of cleaning up inside. We’re wiping away the fog, one honest moment at a time. And yeah, some days it feels like scrubbing with sandpaper. But every bit of work reveals a little more of who we really are underneath the grime.

The Pun in the Pain

Here’s the thing: we’ve all been under the influence, not just of substances, but of pain, of expectations, of people who told us we’d never be more than our mistakes. But influence goes both ways. The same way substances once changed our state of mind, healing can too. Recovery is its own kind of high. The natural one that comes from showing up for ourselves.

And sure, it might sound cheesy, but sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we realize we’re the rock we’ve been standing on all along. We might feel broken, but maybe we’re just cracking open, making room for something new to grow.

Learning to Be Curious, Not Critical

As we peel back the layers of who we’ve been pretending to be, we start asking new questions. Not, “What’s wrong with me?” but “What happened to me?” Not, “Who should I be?” but “Who do I want to become?”

Curiosity is powerful. It’s the opposite of shame. When we stop judging ourselves for being lost, we give ourselves permission to explore. Maybe we’ll rediscover old passions like music, art, walking in the rain, laughing with friends without needing a drink in our hand. Maybe we’ll find new ones. The point isn’t to rush the process, it’s to let it happen.

We’re Still Here — And That’s Enough

So if you’re reading this and you feel like a stranger in your own life, know this: you’re not alone. We’ve been there. Disoriented, disconnected, unsure of which version of ourselves is the “real” one. But if you’re still here, still breathing, still trying… that’s your identity for now. You’re a survivor, a seeker, a work in progress.

And maybe that’s the most honest version of identity any of us can have.

Because in the end, we’re not trying to become someone new. We’re just trying to come home to ourselves. And that, truly, is a trip worth taking.