How to Trust and Date Again After Being Cheated On (Without Losing Your Mind)
April 6, 2025
If you’ve ever had your heart shattered by someone you trusted, you’re not alone. Being cheated on is one of the most painful experiences, leaving you questioning everything (from your worth to your ability to ever trust someone again). We get it. You’ve been through the wringer. Someone you loved and trusted has shattered that trust in the most painful way possible. And now, here you are, standing at the edge of the dating world, wondering how the hell you're supposed to start trusting again.
As psychotherapists who work with people just like you—people who’ve been hurt, people who’ve had their hearts stomped on and their trust broken, we want to tell you something: It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to feel like your heart might never fully heal. But also… it will. We promise. It just takes time, work, and a few laughs along the way. So, if you're ready to dive into how to trust and date again after being cheated on, let’s go.
Step 1: Feel Your Feelings (Even the Ugly Ones)
First, let’s be real: When you’ve been cheated on, you’re dealing with a whole buffet of emotions—hurt, anger, confusion, betrayal, and probably a touch of "What the hell was I thinking?" But here’s the thing: all those feelings are completely valid. The pain of being betrayed isn’t something you just "get over." It’s a process. And the first step? Let yourself feel.
You might feel like crying in your car (been there, done that), or maybe you’re super mad and fantasizing about confronting your ex with a well-timed, “I hope you choke on your own lies” (okay, maybe don’t do that… but we get it). Whatever it is, let those feelings out. Acknowledge them. You can’t heal what you’re not willing to feel! So, give yourself permission to grieve the relationship. It doesn’t matter if it was two months or ten years. Betrayal stings. But remember: You are not your pain. Feel it, but don’t get stuck there.
Step 2: Stop Blaming Yourself (Seriously, Stop)
Oh, the mind games that come after cheating. If you’re like most people, you’ve probably asked yourself some version of, “Was I not good enough? Was I too much? What did I do wrong?”
STOP IT. Let me say that again: STOP IT. This isn’t about you. The person who cheated on you made a choice—a bad, selfish choice—and it has nothing to do with your worth as a person.
Sure, you might’ve had your own flaws (who doesn’t?), but no one deserves to be betrayed. The person who cheated on you isn’t a reflection of you, and neither is their behaviour. It’s a reflection of them.
You are worthy of love, trust, and respect. Full stop.
Step 3: Start Rebuilding Your Trust (One Tiny Step at a Time)
So, now that you’ve taken a breath and stopped blaming yourself, let’s talk about trust. Rebuilding trust after being cheated on feels like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions (spoiler alert: it’s messy). But here’s the deal: You can do it.
Start small. We don’t mean “let’s jump into a new relationship tomorrow”—that’s a sure-fire way to get your heart broken again. We mean, practice trusting yourself first. Trust that you will make good choices moving forward. Trust that you can set healthy boundaries for yourself. And trust that you will know when someone is being honest with you.
When you’re ready to date again, take it slow. You don’t have to jump back into anything serious. The first few dates may feel like a test run, and that’s okay. Give yourself grace and remember: It’s all about progress, not perfection.
Step 4: Get Comfortable With Setting Boundaries (And Not Apologizing for Them)
After being cheated on, your boundaries need to be your new best friend. These aren’t walls that keep people out; they’re healthy lines in the sand that help you protect your heart, your trust, and your well-being. You’re allowed to say things like, “I need honesty from the start,” or “I’m not okay with someone being shady with their phone.” Trust us when we say this… healthy boundaries are your armor. They don’t make you “too much” or “too demanding.” They make you someone who knows their worth and is unwilling to settle for less.
If someone can’t respect your boundaries, well, that’s their problem, not yours. And you’re not required to make excuses for standing up for yourself.
Say it with us: Boundaries are not optional. They’re essential.
Step 5: When You're Ready, Take the Leap (But Only If It Feels Right)
Okay, let’s talk about dating again. This might feel like the scariest step, but honestly, there's no rush. You don’t have to dive headfirst into dating if you’re not ready. Take your time. No one’s keeping track.
When you do feel ready, go in with an open mind and an open heart. It’s okay if it’s awkward at first. Everyone’s had a weird date or two. And hey, if you’re still figuring out what feels good for you, you can always laugh at the absurdity of it all. Remember: dating after heartbreak is a marathon, not a sprint.
Also, look for red flags early. If someone’s making you feel anxious, uncertain, or constantly second-guessing yourself, don’t ignore it. Your gut knows more than you give it credit for. And just because someone seems charming doesn’t mean they won’t end up being another lesson in why you should never ignore your instincts.
Step 6: Be Kind to Yourself (Even When It’s Hard)
Be kind to yourself. If you need to take a break from dating, take it. If you need to cry in a pile of ice cream and Netflix for a week, go for it. Healing isn’t linear, and it doesn’t have a deadline. Trust yourself to know when you’re ready to take the next step. And when you’re not? That’s okay too.
Trust isn’t built in a day, and neither is your heart. You’ve been hurt, but you are not defined by that hurt. You’re defined by your ability to rise, to heal, and to love again (starting with yourself).
And hey, in case no one’s told you today: You’re amazing. Even on the hard days.
If you end up on a few awkward dates, remind yourself that it’s all part of the process. You might kiss a few frogs before you find your prince (or at least someone who doesn’t constantly check their phone under the table). But take it one step at a time, and trust that with every weird date, uncomfortable conversation, and awkward silence, you’re getting closer to the right person. So keep your chin up, your standards high, and your needs intact. You’ll get there! Who knows, maybe the next time you’re swiping, it’ll be a match made in therapy-approved heaven!
