Living with Society’s Expectations: Marriage, Kids, and the “Ideal Life”
May 4, 2025
We grow up surrounded by stories. From the books we read to the movies we watch, to the conversations at dinner tables and family reunions, there’s a common thread: the “life path” we’re all supposedly meant to follow. We’re told to graduate, get a good job, get married, buy a house, have kids, be happy.
For some, this timeline brings comfort. For others, it becomes a source of anxiety, shame, or confusion (especially when life doesn’t unfold in that neatly packaged way).
As Psychotherapists, we’ve sat with many people who quietly ask themselves: What’s wrong with me if I don’t want these things? Or if I do want them, but they just haven’t happened?
Here’s the truth: there’s nothing wrong with you!
The Silent Pressure of "Should"
Society has a powerful way of planting the word “should” into our lives:
“You should be married by now.”
“You should have kids.”
“You should own a home.”
“You should be further along.”
These “shoulds” are often invisible, unspoken rules that shape our sense of worth, belonging, and success. They show up in conversations with family members, social media feeds, and internal comparisons with peers. But these expectations are not universal truths. They are cultural narratives. And just like stories, they can be rewritten.
When Life Looks Different
Whether you’re single at 40, child-free by choice or circumstance, still renting in your 30s, or working a job that wasn’t your “dream career,” you might feel like you’re somehow behind.
Let this sit in… You’re not!
There are a thousand reasons why people don’t meet societal milestones and none of them make you less valuable, lovable, or whole. Life isn’t a one-size-fits-all path. And fulfillment isn’t limited to a checklist.
In fact, many people who “did everything right” still find themselves grappling with emptiness, doubt, or regret. Why? Because external achievements don’t always match internal needs.
The Grief No One Talks About
Part of what makes this experience hard is the grief that comes with it. Not just grief for what we didn’t get, but also grief for what we thought life would look like.
This grief is often unspoken or minimized (especially when others can’t see it). But it’s real. And it deserves compassion. You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or lost. You’re allowed to question your path, change direction, or create new definitions of success.
Rewriting the Story
Living outside of society’s expectations isn’t failure. It’s freedom. But it takes courage.
It takes courage to ask: What do I want? What matters to me? Who am I outside of these roles and timelines?
And from there, you get to write your own version of what a meaningful life looks like.
Maybe it’s found in deep friendships, creative pursuits, travel, activism, spirituality, or something entirely your own. Whatever it is, it’s valid.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re struggling with the weight of societal expectations, know that you’re not alone. Many people are quietly wrestling with the same questions.
It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to feel like you’re in between chapters. And it’s more than okay to seek support whether from friends, community, or therapy.
You deserve a life that fits you (regardless of how others try to influence it). And even if that life looks nothing like what you imagined at 18, it can still be rich, joyful, and deeply fulfilling.
