Putting Your Needs First: The Courage to Choose Yourself
August 31, 2025
We’ve been taught that prioritizing our own needs is selfish. That putting ourselves first somehow means we’re neglecting others. But here’s the truth we’re starting to learn:
We can’t keep abandoning ourselves and calling it kindness.
Putting our needs first isn’t about being self-centered. It’s about being self-connected. It’s about remembering that we, too, are people worthy of care… not just the ones giving it away.
Why Is It So Hard to Choose Ourselves?
So many of us were conditioned to be caretakers, peacekeepers, overachievers and often at the expense of our own well-being.
We might say:
“I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”
“They need me more than I need rest.”
“If I don’t do it, no one will.”
But here’s the cost: emotional depletion, resentment, burnout, anxiety, and a deep disconnection from our own wants and limits.
When we ignore our needs long enough, we forget what they even are.
Reclaiming the Right to Need
Needs are not luxuries. They are not optional. They are human.
We all need:
Time to rest
Space to say no
Relationships that feel mutual
Safety on all levels: physical, emotional, mental
Nourishment (not just food, but peace, purpose, and presence)
Naming our needs is the first act of self-trust. Honoring them is the second.
How We Can Start Putting Our Needs First (Without Guilt)
Putting yourself first doesn’t mean never helping others, it just means not helping others at the cost of yourself.
Here are a few ways we can start choosing ourselves with more courage and clarity:
1. Pause Before Saying Yes
Ask yourself: “Do I truly want to do this? Or am I afraid of what will happen if I say no?”
Give yourself permission to not jump into an automatic “yes.”
2. Check in Daily
Even a simple question like “What do I need right now?” can be transformative. Rest? Silence? Connection? Water?
3. Let Go of the Guilt
Remind yourself: “Tending to myself allows me to show up more fully and authentically for others.”
4. Start Small
Putting yourself first doesn’t always mean big changes. It could look like:
Taking a real lunch break
Saying “I need a minute” before jumping into a conversation
Choosing sleep over another episode
Not justifying your “no”
Choosing Yourself Is a Practice
We’re not going to get it perfect every time. Some days we’ll overextend. Some days we’ll forget. Some days the guilt will still creep in.
But every time we choose to listen to our bodies, honour our boundaries, or ask for what we need. We’re rebuilding a relationship with ourselves.
And that relationship matters just as much as any other.
A Loving Reminder
You are not a machine. You are not just a helper. You are not here to prove your worth through exhaustion.
You are allowed to have needs.
You are allowed to meet them.
You are allowed to choose yourself.
And when we all do, we don’t just survive. We begin to thrive.
